I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
