Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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