was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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