I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize