Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
