glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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