i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
