You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
