This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
