woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
