What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
