Please, let me fuck your mom
I have demons in me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
