You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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