I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
