Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
