piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
