just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize