i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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