where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
