I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
