Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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