how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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