i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
