How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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