just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
