Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
