So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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