How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We named our party play list daddy issues
even my farts smell like vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
