I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
