you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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