Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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