Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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