i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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