I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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