so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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