im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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