bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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