I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
