cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize