dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
