my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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