it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
