Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
