i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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