Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
