We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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