Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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