you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
