people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
