idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
