Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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