I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
