Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
