My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
