Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
