the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
