ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
