I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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