sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
