Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize