you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
