My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
