the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
