never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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