My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
