I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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