please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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