First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
