You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
