Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
