Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
