My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
