Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
