Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize