He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
