I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dignity is for republicans.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
