I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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