Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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