i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
