coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
