Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
