Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
