U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We got so high we made milksteak
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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