At least make sure they are 18
Why
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
