so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
