I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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