I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
