when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
