i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
