Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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