can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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