Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
