Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
