Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
