fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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