so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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