I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
