No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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