and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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