I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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