When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
